ORBIT'S DIARY!! ✩ ✩ ✩
hello welcome to the diary or journal page... feel free to read my ramblings.possible content warnings of course :-) read with caution
entry 1 * 2/20/24
feeling: anxious :-(
hello world!! first neocities entry !! im really happy with how it turned out even if its like super simple. i've been feeling kinda self concious about my html and css as of lately so im trying to regain some self confidence. i got the strong urge to make this page cause im supposed to go see my grandmother for lunch tommrow and really wanted to code to self soothe i guess. it isn't entirely my choice to see her but more so an obligation. my mom keeps reminding me that shes not gonna be around much longer and stuff so its hard to say no. grandmother visits always make me antsy. shes not the nicest person to be around, shes a very big part of my self esteem issues so its difficult. i don't want to be,, selfish, though. shes old. im told to be lenient with older people so i try my hardest. i think i'll update tommrow after the lunch :-)
entry 2 * 2/29/24
feeling: odd...
i know i said i would write directly after the 20th but i got kinda spacey and ended up not doing it,, i wish i did! im at my moms house now and i go home in a couple of days. being at my moms house is super weird on me. i always feel like im in limbo when im here. its weird. ive been smoking alot so i can actually sleep cause i get so anxious when im here. best way i can put it is that i feel italisized when im not at my own house. italisized and out of place. lately when im at my moms house, i feel like i dont really belong anymore. like i dont fit into their lives the same way anymore and its super strange. i used to never ever be away from my mom and now that i dont live with her i guess its just how things are. anyway, my grandmother visit went weird. it made me feel sad in a way i cant rly pin down. mom talked pretty much the whole time so i didnt really speak. i am thankful for that :-). in other news, im trying to be more mindful and less concerned about things that dont matter. trying to be less hyper critical of myself and stop hindering my ability to express and be happy. im on the never ending self improvment train,,,, some last thoughts umm i should be getting a new computur soon!! super excited about that :-) im gonna stop using chrome and generally just be smarter with my internet time ...ok bye ^_^
entry 3 * 3/4/24
feeling: bleh
hi diary page,, past few days have been kind of rough. ive been in the horrors pretty much every day. terrible suicidal ideation stuff and intrusive thoughts. not only that but my mood has been all over the place. heavily euphoric to the point of tears plummiting down all the way to horrific amounts of sadness. i really thought this kind of thing would stop with me being on meds and all but i guess not. its hard to keep it together while at my moms house cause i literally dont have anywhere to go for quiet or privacy. i kind of just stay on my air matress all day. i think maybe i just miss my dad or something. im always so dramatic. in other news im tring really hard to make friends and be more social. i feel really lonely and left out alot of the time so im trying to be more social. i love talking with people and stuff its just that no one seems to stick with me. anyway,, this was kind of a short entry,, im supposed to go home tommrow im really excited!! byebye :-)
entry 4 * 3/9/24
feeling: >___>
hi guys,, orbit here on a brand new computer... im not on chrome anymore!! i have righted my wrongs!! i am also back home and im trying to adjust back into normalcy and become less of a MESS bcus im not doing well and I Want To Not Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. need to find better ways of coping as well substance abuse is 👎 anway i feel very lonely. i want to feel warm and i want some1 to hold mee. im realizing i said i feel lonely last time too. forver cycle. this entry is so short im tiref and not rly in myhead. goodnight neocities :-)
feeling: anxious :-(
hello world!! first neocities entry !! im really happy with how it turned out even if its like super simple. i've been feeling kinda self concious about my html and css as of lately so im trying to regain some self confidence. i got the strong urge to make this page cause im supposed to go see my grandmother for lunch tommrow and really wanted to code to self soothe i guess. it isn't entirely my choice to see her but more so an obligation. my mom keeps reminding me that shes not gonna be around much longer and stuff so its hard to say no. grandmother visits always make me antsy. shes not the nicest person to be around, shes a very big part of my self esteem issues so its difficult. i don't want to be,, selfish, though. shes old. im told to be lenient with older people so i try my hardest. i think i'll update tommrow after the lunch :-)
entry 2 * 2/29/24
feeling: odd...
i know i said i would write directly after the 20th but i got kinda spacey and ended up not doing it,, i wish i did! im at my moms house now and i go home in a couple of days. being at my moms house is super weird on me. i always feel like im in limbo when im here. its weird. ive been smoking alot so i can actually sleep cause i get so anxious when im here. best way i can put it is that i feel italisized when im not at my own house. italisized and out of place. lately when im at my moms house, i feel like i dont really belong anymore. like i dont fit into their lives the same way anymore and its super strange. i used to never ever be away from my mom and now that i dont live with her i guess its just how things are. anyway, my grandmother visit went weird. it made me feel sad in a way i cant rly pin down. mom talked pretty much the whole time so i didnt really speak. i am thankful for that :-). in other news, im trying to be more mindful and less concerned about things that dont matter. trying to be less hyper critical of myself and stop hindering my ability to express and be happy. im on the never ending self improvment train,,,, some last thoughts umm i should be getting a new computur soon!! super excited about that :-) im gonna stop using chrome and generally just be smarter with my internet time ...ok bye ^_^
entry 3 * 3/4/24
feeling: bleh
hi diary page,, past few days have been kind of rough. ive been in the horrors pretty much every day. terrible suicidal ideation stuff and intrusive thoughts. not only that but my mood has been all over the place. heavily euphoric to the point of tears plummiting down all the way to horrific amounts of sadness. i really thought this kind of thing would stop with me being on meds and all but i guess not. its hard to keep it together while at my moms house cause i literally dont have anywhere to go for quiet or privacy. i kind of just stay on my air matress all day. i think maybe i just miss my dad or something. im always so dramatic. in other news im tring really hard to make friends and be more social. i feel really lonely and left out alot of the time so im trying to be more social. i love talking with people and stuff its just that no one seems to stick with me. anyway,, this was kind of a short entry,, im supposed to go home tommrow im really excited!! byebye :-)
entry 4 * 3/9/24
feeling: >___>
hi guys,, orbit here on a brand new computer... im not on chrome anymore!! i have righted my wrongs!! i am also back home and im trying to adjust back into normalcy and become less of a MESS bcus im not doing well and I Want To Not Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. need to find better ways of coping as well substance abuse is 👎 anway i feel very lonely. i want to feel warm and i want some1 to hold mee. im realizing i said i feel lonely last time too. forver cycle. this entry is so short im tiref and not rly in myhead. goodnight neocities :-)